I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
