The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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