If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
