I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
this boner is exhausting
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize