Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
