I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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