Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
