I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
This baby is an asshole
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
