apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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