I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
