i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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