I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize