i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize