My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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