it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
