can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
