He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
