3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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