It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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