If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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