You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize