This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize