i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she told me i tasted like america
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
