Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So. Much. Porn.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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