have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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