I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Randomize
