Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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