come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize