You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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