Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
