I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
