I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My vagina is officially offended.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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