And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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