So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
