I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize