vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
