apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
