As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
