OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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