My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Too much gin, very little bucket
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
