We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
