now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
