Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
