so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
