It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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