True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
