Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
