we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
