i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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