what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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