i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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