I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
