on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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