I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
