At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
