i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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