Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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