I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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