Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
