Just cropdusted the office
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
