I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
