I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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