operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
