This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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