Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
