Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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