from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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