real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
