my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
