Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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