on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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