My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
