I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
