Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
