If i come over, it means nothing
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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