Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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