And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
