He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
