I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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