when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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