Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There r osticjed everywhere
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
