I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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