Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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