Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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