Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
