So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
