look no pants
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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