normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
