He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
