T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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