drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
