why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize