After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
